The biggest mistake educators make is to teach consent as a stand-alone topic.
The second biggest mistake if to teach just the content that helps reduce harm.
Young people need a positive, Christian values-based vision of healthy relationships.
We hope you enjoy this video that tries to ensure consent comes from a place of respect for the dignity of self and of others.
Speaking about consent to teenagers without speaking about p*rn is like teaching someone to drive and omitting road safety education.
This video connects the obvious dots; people learn to ignore the importance of consent and respect from what they watch.
Whilst this is only the tip of the iceberg regarding hypersexual online content we hope it helps your discussions on this topic.
Consent education starts long before the discussion of sexual consent begins.
We hope you enjoy this consent video for primary school children.
At the moment every educator we know is searching for accurate information to help them teach about consent. This video outlines the legalities but also some important practicalities - e.g. What words should actually be used? Yes – We need to make it REALLY SIMPLE.
Consent has been a hot topic in the media in recent weeks. This attention has largely come about because of a petition launched by Former Sydney school student, Chanel Contos, which advocates for improved education around consent. Already, the petition has collected over 36,000 signatures.
Here at Real Talk, we have welcomed this increased attention on the important topics of consent and respect. Sadly, many commentators are missing some crucial elements of this topic.
Every year we speak to tens of thousands of students about sex and relationships. In our experience, there are 5 crucial (but often overlooked) points about consent that every educator should know:
Ask young people what they understand “consent” to mean? Many young people really don’t understand the basics, so it’s important to start here. In short, consent is an agreement. It’s a “YES,” freely given.
Education on consent should start early, ideally in primary school or earlier, long before a discussion of sexual consent begins. It starts with teaching protective behaviours and body awareness. In simple terms, “It’s MY body, I can say NO.” It involves teaching children that they should speak up when they feel uncomfortable and that it’s okay to say “no.”
Even with teenagers, keep it simple: An absence of a yes means that someone has not consented. Sexual activity without consent, or if someone is unable to consent, is harmful and against the law.
There are some popular videos that make consent simple by comparing it to the drinking tea or riding a bike. These videos simplify the idea of consent, which is good, but we need to be careful not to inadvertently give young people the wrong message.
Consent is super important, but it’s not the only consideration for healthy relationships. To teach it as a stand-alone principle or to suggest that it is “everything”, as the very popular Tea and Consent video does, is dangerous and can lead to unhealthy outcomes.
Put simply, if John wants to perform a sexual act on Sally, and Sally consents, this doesn’t necessarily mean this is a good idea for John or Sally. If John is in a relationship with Jenny, then getting together with Sally is probably going to cause a lot of hurt. If John is just using Sally, but he doesn’t really care about him, then that isn’t healthy either. Even when consent is present, an act can still be harmful and lacking in the dignity that both the sexual act and the people deserve.
Christians and many other traditions believe people have an extreme dignity. Because human beings have dignity, we deserve love. Because people deserve love, we should show them respect. Because we need to show people respect, consent is super important. We show respect by prioritising consent.
When consent is taught it needs to be taught as a way to show respect – for self and for others. When consent is not understood in light of the principles of love, respect and dignity, something important is missing.
If we want to teach about sexual consent, it’s essential that we are also educating young people about the dangers of pornography. Almost every young person is exposed to pornography and usually long before they become sexually active.
Pornographic material almost always misrepresents the concept of consent or lacks it entirely. In porn, sex is separated from intimacy, people are treated like objects, and unhealthy gender imbalances are reinforced. It is by far the most corrosive curriculum for sexual relationships, but the research tells us that it has become the dominant educator on sexual matters. Pornography is being consumed daily or weekly by most Australian young men.
As a country, we have recognised recently that we need to start the conversation and improve education on the topic of consent. However, culture change takes time.
In the absence of healthy rites of initiation, fumbling your way through early sexual encounters has almost become a rite of passage in our culture.
A few years ago, Rugby League player Sam Thiaday was interviewed after his team’s win in a State of Origin match. When asked about the match, he said, “It was a bit like losing your virginity, it wasn't very nice, but we got the job done." This is the kind of role model our young men are looking up to. We will not unwind the cultural portrayal of sex or current masculine mindset quickly.
In addition to this, young people are sexually curious and deep down, they just want to belong. They want to do what they think their peers are doing, and todays social media is peer pressure on steroids. Throw in porn, hormones, alcohol and drugs, and the waters of consent have been totally muddied.
When issues like consent become hot topics of discussion, it can be easy to forget about the individuals whose lives have been profoundly impacted by consent issues and sexual abuse. When confronting this topic, we need to always remain people-focused and be empathetic listeners.
The positive effect of this renewed focus on consent over the past few weeks is that people’s stories are finally getting heard. We need to listen. In our work, members of the Real Talk team have heard many of these stories. We know firsthand how it changes you to hear a person tell their story and to see the impact it has had on their lives. Being heard is just the beginning of a person’s healing journey. Listening provides a baseline for future education.
Right now, as a society, we stand at a crossroads. Each of us has a part to play in changing our culture around consent for the better. Education will be a big part of the solution. When you’re educating your young people about consent, be sure to keep these 5 things in mind.
Want more consent videos and resources. Click HERE!
Ever wondered what a typical day looks like for our presenters? Sam, Amber & Ged filmed a recent trip to South Australia, check it out!
Click the video below to watch our presenting day at St Ignatius College.
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic and the restrictions that have been put in place, Real Talk has been unable to present in schools over the past two months. This has been a challenging time for our organisation, but it has also given us an exciting opportunity to develop new resources.
Today, we’re excited to announce the launch of realtalkeducation.org! Real Talk Education is our answer to the hundreds of requests we have received from schools over the last 10 years to provide in-depth resources on the topics of personal wellbeing, relationships and sexuality.
On this new online education platform, educators can access lesson plans and resources to help them educate on these challenging topics. We are proud to present our first release, “Flourish,” for Yr 5-7 students. For a limited time, educators can access 2 of the 25 lessons that make up this program absolutely free by clicking HERE.
COVID-19 has changed our schools, our supermarkets, and our day-to-day lives. It’s also changed our relationships.
Chances are, there are friends and family members that you’re really missing right now, because you no longer get to see them as often and you normally would. There might also be family members that you feel like you’ve seen too much of, because you’re now stuck in a house with them all day!
But even though our relationships have changed, they aren’t any less important. Here are 6 things you do to strengthen relationships during COVID-19.
Especially the extroverts – we’re not ok! But seriously, I’ve made and received more social phone calls the last week than I did all of last year, and it has been awesome.
You’ve probably heard that proverb “a problem shared is a problem halved,” and it’s true! Psychological research has found that sharing your feelings with someone can minimise the levels of stress that you feel.
While sharing what’s going on with someone else might not change the situation, it’s crazy how much it can improve our perspective. So, if you haven’t already, pick up your phone and check in on a family member or friend. We all need each other right now.
Even though we’re social distancing, there are still plenty of ways to connect with each other. During the past couple of weeks, the Real Talk team have been keeping a lively group chat going, along with plenty of video calls.
It’s not quite the same as being together in person, but it’s still an opportunity to share how we’re going, tell funny stories about life at home, and encourage each other.
What are some ways you can connect with friends and family right now? Maybe it’s as simple as a phone call, but it could something more creative – you could have a virtual dinner date, drop a walkie-talkie to your neighbours, or even play games together online.
It feels like every time we turn on the TV or log into social media, all we’re getting is bad news. In the midst of these dark clouds, it can make a big difference in someone’s life if you find a way to brighten their day.
One idea would be to share funny videos or memes in a group chat. A few days ago, one of the Real Talk team shared a great example in the group chat of her baby laughing hysterically every time she made a funny noise. It was a great moment that we never would have experienced if we hadn’t all been working from home.
Another idea would be writing a letter or putting together a care package to send in the mail. It doesn’t matter how old you are, getting something fun in the mail is always a good time. Some rest homes have even launched a “Connecting Generations” program recently, inviting kids to send letters to their elderly residents.
Be on the lookout for little ways to brighten up someone’s day. You might be surprised as just how much it improves your mood as well.
If you’re self-isolating in a house with 3 or more people, you’re one of the lucky ones. As a Real Talk presenter who usually has to travel a lot, I’m thrilled to be getting some quality time at home with my wife. But it’s just the two of us, and two people does not a great boardgame night make!
So, if you’ve got the numbers for some solid boardgame action right now, make the most of it. Or, if Monopoly isn’t your cup of tea, find other games that you can play.
One game that’s keeping a lot of families entertained at the moment is by going on a bear hunt. People all over the country are placing teddy bears in their front windows for people to find. Assemble your “hunting party” and see how many bears you can locate around your neighbourhood.
Check out daysoftheyear.com to find out what to celebrate today. I can promise you that it will be something that is equal parts fun and ridiculous.
World Baking Day? Pull out your baking trays and make some cupcakes. Hug Your Cat Day? Reasonably straightforward. Indoor picnic day? Put some blankets down in the living room, eat some strawberries, and enjoy the air-conditioning. Outdoor picnics are so 2019 anyway.
One consequence of COVID-19 is that some of the people in our lives need a bit of extra help right now. So, what can you do to lend a hand?
One of our Real Talk team spent three hours on the phone to his mum the other night, helping her set up video chat so that she can still see her friends and family while she’s in isolation.
Maybe you can provide similar tech assistance, or you could run to the store for an elderly neighbour who can’t go him/herself right now, or even donate food to your local foodbank. Even though this time is challenging for a lot of people, it’s also a great opportunity to come together.
With all the social distancing measures in place, it’s easy to feel isolated. But if we’re willing to put in a bit of extra effort, there’s a lot we can do to strength our relationships. We might have to stand at least two metres apart, but that doesn’t mean we can’t reach out to each other with love.
In the back of my mind, I’ve got a to-do list. On it, are written things like “learn a language”, “take an astronomy class” and “figure out how to code.” If I had to give this list a name, it would be “Things I Want to Do To Improve Myself, But Never Have Time For.”
But all of a sudden, I’m stuck at home with plenty of time on my hands to start working through my list. Hopefully, you’ve got a similar list already. But if not, here are 6 ways you can improve yourself during COVID-19.
If you love to draw, or write, or interpretive ribbon dance, but you always feel like you’ve never got time, now you do. Make the most of it!
There are going to be two types of people during this pandemic. There are going to be those who sit on their couches, watch Netflix, and consume, consume, consume all day. And there are going to be people who pull out their pens, dust off their paintbrushes, and create something. Be a creator, not a consumer.
The Real Talk team are going to be taking our own advice and we’ll be writing a few more posts on the Real Talk blog over the coming weeks, but we want to see all the weird and wonderful things you create as well!
Now that we’re spending lots of time at home in front of our screens, exercise is more important than ever. In addition to keeping fit and healthy, regular physical activity has a lot of other benefits as well. It can improve our mood, help us sleep better, and make us feel like we’ve accomplished something.
You might be missing being out on the sports field with your team-mates, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stay active! Grab your running shoes and go for a walk or run around the neighbourhood. Otherwise, jump online and check out all of the free exercise videos and classes you can find on websites like YouTube.
One of the fantastic things about our digital world is that there are some many great resources online for learning. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to code, or speak a different language, or play every Disney movie song on the recorder.
Even if you’ve got no previous experience, here are countless guides, videos and podcasts that can teach you how to get started.
In addition to learning the new skill itself, you’ll probably learn some important lessons about perseverance, honing your craft, and your own potential.
One of the best ways to improve ourselves is to improve our relationships with other people.
Right now might be the perfect opportunity to spend some time with a family member that you don’t normally see as often, because they’re at school or work. You could even invite them to join in your online ribbon-dancing class!
We can’t see most of our friends and family members in person, but there are plenty of other ways to keep in touch.
Remember that social distancing is purely physical. I’s still really important that we are connecting with each other, spending time together, and finding little ways to brighten each other’s day.
With all the information about COVID-19 on the news and on social media, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s totally normal to being feeling stressed, anxious or upset right now, but one way to mitigate these feelings is by taking a break from the news and social media.
It’s understandable to want to keep informed, but constantly reading or watching staff about COVID can intensify our negative emotions. If we want to improve ourselves, it’s important that we set good boundaries around news and social media consumption.
This could take the form of limiting the amount of time you spend checking the news, committing to only checking social media once each day, or even having days that are completely news and social media free.
COVID-19 has given us the first pause in our busy lives that we’ve had for a long, long time. Chances are, you’re not going to have this much uninterrupted time at home again until you retire! So, what are you going to do with it?
Take the time over the next day or two to set some goals. What new skill do you want to pursue? What are you going to create? How are you going to spend this quality time with love ones?
Don’t waste this opportunity.
The world we’re living in right now looks pretty different to the world of two months ago. But one thing that hasn’t changed is God.
God still loves us, He still has a plan for our lives, and He wants us to draw closer to Him during this crisis. Here are 5 things you can do to improve your relationship with God during COVID-19.
Think for a moment about your best friend. Now imagine that the two of you never spoke. You didn’t celebrate moments of success together or turn to each other in times of need. Chances are, your relationship would fizzle out pretty quick.
Because solid relationships need solid communication – and the same is true for our relationship with God. If we want to improve our relationship with God, we need to communicate with Him through prayer.
If you’ve never really carved out time in your day to pray before, start small. When you wake up, invite God into your day and ask him to bless it. When you go to sleep, reflect on the day and thank God for it.
Try to find at least 10 minutes sometime during the day to just talk to God. If you’re not sure how, just tell him what’s on your mind – share your worries, your uncertainties, the areas of your life where you really need his grace.
God wants to speak to us, but often, our lives are too busy and too noisy to hear His voice. What we need is silence.
For thousands of years, men and women called “hermits” have left their ordinary lives and journeyed into the desert to find solitude and silence. With everything shutting down because of COVID-19, suddenly we can find that same silence right in our homes (as long as we remember to put our phones on do-not-disturb!).
Try to make a few minutes for silence each day. It might feel a bit uncomfortable – we usually aren’t used to silence in our day-to-day lives! But God is waiting for us in the quiet.
While God speaks through silence, the other big way that He communicates with us is through His Word, the Bible. No matter what’s going on in your life right now, no matter how you’re feeling, God has something to say to you.
If you’re struggling with fear or anxiety, read John 14:27 “Peace I leave you, my peace I give you. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
If you’re lonely, read Hebrews 13:5 “God has said “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
If you feel like you’re not strong enough for whatever life has thrown at you, Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
If you want to improve your relationship with God, open your Bible every day. Again, start small, and just spend a few minutes each day reading a particular chapter.
For the first time in many of our lives, we can’t attend church in-person each Sunday. There’s no more crowded pews, no more worship band, and no more catching up with friends afterwards over lukewarm tea and biscuits.
But that doesn’t mean that we can’t attend church at all. Many churches have quickly made the move to online services. Even if your church hasn’t, you can definitely join with another congregation that has.
Even though watching church through a screen isn’t quite the same, try to join in as much as you can. Stand up when you normally would to sing and worship. Bow your head in prayer. Listen and take notes during the sermon. We might not be able to be together in person, but we can still worship together in spirit.
The author John Donne once wrote that “No man is an island” and that’s definitely true in the context of our faith. We aren’t meant to do faith alone. We need a place to go to share our successes, to get support when we are struggling, and to pray together. We need a community.
While we can’t gather together in person at the moment, we can still find other ways to connect with one another.
Recently, the Real Talk team gathered over a Zoom video call to pray. We read a passage from the Bible, we listened to some worship music, and we shared any prayer intentions we had. It felt pretty different to our usual in-person team prayer, but it was still are great to connect with each other and with God.
In the midst of everything changing right now, our one constant will always be God. He wants to draw close to us, through all the uncertainty, stress and even boredom. The best thing we can do right now is invest in our relationship with Him!
See the full radio interview with Paul and the original post by Vision Radio.
Paul has calculated Real Talk expects to reach around 40-thousand young people by the end of the year.
The conversation centres basically on God’s plan for love and life.
‘We don’t find it difficult’
“We talk about personal identity, how we’re made, relationships and making good decisions.”
“Also a really positive vision of what marriage and sex was created for,” was how Paul described the thrust of their work before sharing some of the feedback they receive from their target audiences.
“When people hear what we do they say that must be really difficult. And yet we don’t find it difficult because for one thing, they’re topics of great interest.”
“Secondly, you can present this message, that’s really a beautiful and awesome message, in a way that captivates people.”
We yearn for truth
“I think we all have the truth written within us,” Paul declared. “We all have the truth written in our human experience to some degree. We yearn for truth and we recognise it.”
Paul has found when you present the truth of how sex was meant to be, it resonates with them.
He said this is partly because they recognise the lack of truth in their previous experience.
Paul told the story of his wife who at the age of 14 heard a married couple explain the truth about marriage and sex. That one-hour presentation had a profound effect and transformed her life right through to her wedding day.
Real Talk presentations are now bearing fruit as they hear testimonies of those who heard this message on sex and marriage and followed through on its guidance six years ago.
As many of you are aware, Kym Keady is one of the founders of Real Talk. Kym recently resigned from her responsibilities at Real Talk as a staff member, director, and member of the company. I’m sure if you have had anything to do with Kym or Real Talk over the years you would, like us, be very grateful for her amazing contribution. Here are some words from Kym…
I’ve tried for a while now to put this moment and the present as far from each other as possible. After all, no mum wants to let go of their grown up child right? Yet, here we are at the end of an era- well for me, anyway.
After starting out as a young pregnant mum in 1999, joining forces with Paul in 2011, and then with an awesome group of volunteers and staff, having fun crafting sexuality retreats and resources, having the opportunity of using my own personal story to help bring truth to young peoples lives and ministering in many schools in Aus for the last 8 years; I have come to the end of my time at Real Talk and need to step aside to make space for the new chapter to unfold.
Over the past 8 years Paul and I have marvelled at how Real Talk has grown from this tiny ‘on the side ministry’ it once was, to the successful organisation it is now - mostly due to Paul’s tenacious efforts at the helm. We have seen countless young people hear ’Real Talk’ - the message of Gods amazing plan for love and life to the ends of this nation and across the sea to New Zealand. Not only teenagers and young adults, but parents, school staff, parishioners and primary schools students.
As culture changes and grows and new leaders and teaching styles rise, it’s time for me to hand the baton of Real Talk’s message on to the next generation.
A new chapter now begins with a new Board of Directors (who have been operating already as a reference group) to support Paul and the team into the future.
Whilst my time in Real Talk is closing I am in no means going anywhere! God has been speaking to me for a number of years now about the call to continue to grow and learn and play my part in renewing the Church. I will continue this in anyway God asks of me and as many of you know, my plate is full of wonderful opportunities.
“When Real Talk first began, it wasn’t my idea - I called out that night ‘use me, Lord’ and I am absolutely privileged to have played a part in a beautiful, powerful and unique ministry. Real Talk is God’s work, and it is ultimately He who I entrust it to, as I always have.”
So please, keep praying for and keep supporting Real Talk. Keep following the team as they travel and proclaim the message. The new Board of Directors and Senior Staff will all continue to uphold the work that has been achieved these many years - we are fully committed to the Vision and Mission of Real Talk. Please keep them in your prayers.
Running the race with you all, always,
It’s coming up to that time of year again! Join us to support Real Talk in bringing a life-giving message on love, relationships and sex to young people across Australia and beyond.
Matt Fradd speaks to tens of thousands of people every year. He is the best-selling author of several books, including Does God Exist?: A Socratic Dialog on the Five Ways of Thomas Aquinas and The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality Behind the Fantasy of Pornography. Matt earned his master’s and undergraduate degree's in philosophy from Holy Apostles College, and is pursuing a master’s degree in theology from The Augustine Institute. Matt’s podcast Pints With Aquinas receives over half a million downloads every month. Matt lives with his wife, Cameron, and their children in Georgia.
6:30pm • Thursday 23 May 2019
Hotel Grand Chancellor: 23 Leichhardt St, Brisbane
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The senior years for many teenagers can be daunting and stressful as heck! After helping three of my own children and counselling countless teenagers and parents through these years, here are my quick 16 tips for parents for the year/s ahead!
Let them know you are here for them. Say something like you know they are incredibly independent and competent, but that you are here if they need you. And just keep saying it, even if you think they’ve heard it a million times.
Verbal affirmation. If this is not your strong point (particularly dads) try to push past it. Tell your son/daughter that you love them and think they are amazing, they are doing a good job, tell them you are proud of them regularly.
Leave random notes for them around the place – on their bed, in their school bag, wherever; affirming them and letting them know you have their back
Master the art of lingering. When going in to say goodnight, don’t rush out. Kiss/hug them goodnight, ask ‘how’s everything going’? or ‘everything going ok’? and then even when they say ‘yup’… just linger around the room for a bit, looking like you might be just straightening books, or tidying up or something to see if they might talk to you or add anything. Just 30 seconds….you’ll be surprised at what they end up randomly sharing every so often.
Second check. Make the effort to go in and check on them again before you head to bed. Sometimes it’s after ‘official lights out’ that teenagers often secretly get onto technology and may stay on it for hours!
Create ‘spontaneous’ catch-ups. If you think they are not being themselves and might need to talk, create an excuse to take them out just you and them. For girls, invite her to join you for a coffee or milkshake after shopping. For boys, a long drive in the car (over 45 min) sitting in the front with no phone or technology does the trick… but give it half an hour, without pressured questions. Even if they don’t talk, the point is they have to sit there face to face, or side by side, and they can’t just get up and walk away. If they don’t talk, you talk. Tell them about your life; times when you are stressed, how you handled school or year 12, what’s happening in your life etc.
Physical health. Make sure they are looking after their body. They are growing at a rapid rate! Also, perfectionist teenagers tend to push themselves in mind, body, and spirit! Check if they are sleeping properly, eating well, not skipping breakfast/lunch etc. They secretly want you to care about them, even if they say the opposite.
Create permission for imperfection. Create moments where they can see you make mistakes and be OK. Sometimes I would deliberately leave the dishes or something out of place and make a comment out loud like, ‘oh well, its OK not to be perfect’, or ‘to cut ourselves slack sometimes’ etc. Kids are pushed so much these days by school and social pressure, they need to know its OK not to be perfect ALL the time. Home needs to be a place of ‘wind down’, not ‘wind up’ – a safe harbour, a refuge.
Set a calming atmosphere. If you are into oils, diffusing lavender or frankincense or calming blends can create an amazing atmosphere of calmness. I’ve seen some parents use this and it works wonders in the living room or bedroom. When my teenagers can’t get to sleep they still come in and ask me for lavender and/or frankincense, which I dab on their temples and back of the neck. Works like magic.
Move from telling to asking. If your emerging adult seems stressed with homework or life, instead of preaching, ‘well that’s because x & y and you need to do z’, try moving to asking a question: ‘is there anything I can do?’When my teenagers were stressed about exams or assignments in year 11 or 12, I would offer a cup of tea, or a chocolate, offer to wash up when it’s their night, or offer to put on some music while doing their work ,or did they want me to sit with them and do work on my computer beside them, or say a prayer for them etc.
Encourage self-awareness.I’m not sure if your teenager is the type of teenager who fills up more by being by themselves or having others around… (I had one of each and a third for whom that too much of either was exhausting!). But something as simple as figuring out whether your child is introverted or extraverted is a great start for both you and them to know. It will help them in years to come to recognise when they are getting too full or too empty. I went further with mine and did a few interactive tests which they responded well to – such as the 5 Love Languages, Myers Briggs, and the Multiple Intelligence test. I found this last one particularly insightful with setting up individual homework environments that work for them and can be done with any school-aged child.
Take the pressure down. Sometimes our schools really put undue pressure on senior students, particularly around ‘what subjects they need to doin order to get into the uni course they want’. And sometimes it’s us parents who are loading on the pressure and expectations. Parents, we need to learn to back off. I’m aware this may be challenging, especially if you have desires for your child’s career, but it needs saying. I encouraged my kids that uni life and timetables were not as stressful as year 11 or 12 – and they will always be able to change their career direction if they feel that a certain path is not right for them. Even though their teachers may be telling them otherwise.
Trust your gut. If you think they are not themselves and you are concerned, take action. Tell them you want to talk (and if they resist, take them out for that coffee/water/milkshake/drive and tell them they might not want to talk, but you do!) Say that you are concerned and that what you are specifically noticing is not normally them, and see if they respond. Sometimes just sitting and letting them slowly respond is OK. Be comfortable with the silence, but also say everything you need to say, even if they say nothing. They will definitely think about it and may say something about it at a later time.
Stay in the ring with technology. By now you may be tired and ready to give up this perennial struggle. Let me encourage you – don’t tap out! Wouldn’t that be easier though? Aren’t they now becoming young adults who we should give more freedom to? Of course –but they are still growing young people who are developing under your roof. Your job is not over, so don’t check out early! You still need to keep an eye on who they are talking to, what sites they follow, what movies or TV shows they are watching etc. At the very least it is a big insight into the things that are influencing them. Intense or sad or emotional TV shows and movies can drain serotonin(our ‘happy hormone’) so keep an eye on that. They need to have downtime and recreation that increases serotonin, things that they enjoy. One thing I used to say to my kids is ‘who’s in your room right now?’ meaning whoever they are talking to, texting, snap-chatting etc, they are basically hanging out with in their room.
A word on porn. This is a particularly big issue for teenage boys, but is affecting more and more teenage girls as well, so don’t be naïve. Porn consumption is proven to have huge effects on teenagers mood and behaviour, let alone warping their view of healthy sexuality. Be on the lookout for behaviour like becoming quiet or withdrawn, being left at home alone for long periods, or developing social anxiety. Don’t let your teenage boy be alone in the house for days on end! Even one whole day alone is too long. Make sure you have filters on your modems and insist their phones or devices not be left in their room at night time. Have a docking station where they put it to charge each night in a public place or in parent’s room. This will save countless issues and takes the temptation (literally) away from reach, helping them and you to sleep better at night. At the end of the day however, nothing replaces parental engagement. My husband initiated conversations with our son about this area from the time he started high school. I encourage all dads to talk to your sons about pornography with your sons, and mums with your daughters, but get educated about it yourself first. It ‘aint what it used to be!
Get on the phone. If you are concerned about your child and their behaviour, don’t hesitate to seek help! There are countless counsellors and people who work with teenagers out there who can help and advise you on what the best action to take is. That being said, sift through what you hear and do your own research. I shake my head at some of the advice I have heard teenagers and parents receive, so use your internal antennae and talk to a counsellor you trust, one who has experience and bears good fruit with other teenagers.
You may do all these already! But my main encouragement is to stay engaged. They will thank you one day, but these years may not be that day! There were many times we were able to intercept as a parent just because we stayed alert and aware of what our teenagers were doing or feeling. Our kids absolutely do need us in these years, whether they show us or not. It’s our turn to be the adult, know they may not reciprocate right now, but they will later.
Good luck – I’ll be praying for you!
Real Talks Offerings for Primary Schools
Check out what Girl Talk is all about from Kym and Chantale.
GIRL TALK is an identity program specifically designed for preteen girls. There is so much more than the physical changes in this age group! This time is about the heart growing up. GIRL TALK takes the girls on a journey to womanhood. It covers issues like making good choices, friendship and peers, beauty and more.
GIRL TALK is an 8 module resource and includes a workbook, DVD and enhanced CD with all the ideas, input and presentations you will need to run GIRL TALK in your home, your school or your church/parish.
Gossip is like feathers in the wind! Watch on to hear about the impact of gossip and rumours.
Paul Ninnes at The Renaissance of Marriage Conference 2016 in Sydney on The Digital Space and the Impacts of Being a Digital Citizen. (Thanks to ROM Conference - http://www.rom.org.au)
